Funny stupid quotes

Funny stupid quotes
Funny stupid quotes

Funny stupid quotes

Looking for a Funny Stupid quotes… get it here on

  1. I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
  2. Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.
  3. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
  4. Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
  5. If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer…
  6. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  7. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
  8. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
  9. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer.
  • I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  • I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
  • Alcohol doesn’t solve any problem, but neither does milk.
  • My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry…
  • Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
  • I’m not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.
  • Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
  • The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
  • I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as them.
  • I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death.
  • The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
  • A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bank payments.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it.
  • Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
  • The road to success is always under construction.
  • When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
  • If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
  • If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?
  • Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
  • I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
  • God created the world, everything else is made in China.
  • Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.
  • When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
  • Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!
  • I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?
  • You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
  • You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
  • Don’t you wish they made a clap on clap off device for some peoples mouths?
  • If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
  • If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
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